terimalah aku seadanya

you know when we talk about marriage, the issue on the qualities of the partner always come up. is the partner good physically? what about personality? and mentality? of course everybody want to get the best partner if one can but we're human. we're never meant to be perfect. there will always be imperfection in human and we have to suck it up and deal with it.

is it common for you to hear people say one will change the bad habits/attitudes after marriage or one will change the partner to be a better person after marriage? well it is common for me and though it is possible for those things to happen but we have to remember people dont change that easily and most of the time youre stuck with that bad qualities for the rest of your life or everything spirals down and your marriage ends up with divorce.

tension will rise quickly in a relationship where one treat the relationship as a repairing project. constantly trying to improve and making the partner better which is not much different from a control type relationship.

tired of this changing because of partner or marriage we have the ideology of accepting a person as who you are. love the person as a whole including the imperfections. that way we can avoid stressful relationship and be content with each other. win win situation. even though it sounds nice but in reality how long can one stand with the negative qualities of the partner? how many negative qualities can one accept before saying thats enough. this usually happens to those getting tied during the lovey dovey period where everything is wonderful. well, love is blind and it blinds you. when the love feeling subsided then reality hits you.

as for me i dont really agree with the concept of accept me as it is. i want someone that love me for who i am and never want me to change. that statement is a no for me. why? to me that is just an excuse. i found the term accepting one as who they are is always being used as an excuse to not move forward. in other word the person is comfortable to being stagnant. not bothering to try to improve oneself or life is a big sign of not giving a shit to the people around you and it will affect the partner. as time goes things happen and people will change. if one doesnt want to be better one will definitely aiming to be worse.

i know i have my bad qualities and so does others. accepting bad qualities, give and take, and sacrifices are just parts and parcels or being in relationship but i wont accept someone whose not willing to improve oneself just because it's one's identity. change takes time and so it is understood that you dont expect people to turn into someone else over a night but for someone that doesnt even bother to improve oneself, there's no salvation for that person and that person wont be able to help me improve myself too