terimalah aku seadanya

you know when we talk about marriage, the issue on the qualities of the partner always come up. is the partner good physically? what about personality? and mentality? of course everybody want to get the best partner if one can but we're human. we're never meant to be perfect. there will always be imperfection in human and we have to suck it up and deal with it.

is it common for you to hear people say one will change the bad habits/attitudes after marriage or one will change the partner to be a better person after marriage? well it is common for me and though it is possible for those things to happen but we have to remember people dont change that easily and most of the time youre stuck with that bad qualities for the rest of your life or everything spirals down and your marriage ends up with divorce.

tension will rise quickly in a relationship where one treat the relationship as a repairing project. constantly trying to improve and making the partner better which is not much different from a control type relationship.

tired of this changing because of partner or marriage we have the ideology of accepting a person as who you are. love the person as a whole including the imperfections. that way we can avoid stressful relationship and be content with each other. win win situation. even though it sounds nice but in reality how long can one stand with the negative qualities of the partner? how many negative qualities can one accept before saying thats enough. this usually happens to those getting tied during the lovey dovey period where everything is wonderful. well, love is blind and it blinds you. when the love feeling subsided then reality hits you.

as for me i dont really agree with the concept of accept me as it is. i want someone that love me for who i am and never want me to change. that statement is a no for me. why? to me that is just an excuse. i found the term accepting one as who they are is always being used as an excuse to not move forward. in other word the person is comfortable to being stagnant. not bothering to try to improve oneself or life is a big sign of not giving a shit to the people around you and it will affect the partner. as time goes things happen and people will change. if one doesnt want to be better one will definitely aiming to be worse.

i know i have my bad qualities and so does others. accepting bad qualities, give and take, and sacrifices are just parts and parcels or being in relationship but i wont accept someone whose not willing to improve oneself just because it's one's identity. change takes time and so it is understood that you dont expect people to turn into someone else over a night but for someone that doesnt even bother to improve oneself, there's no salvation for that person and that person wont be able to help me improve myself too

expensive habit

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

queue

apparently queuing is an issue that can get lots of people in malaysia quarreling especially between the youngsters and the pakcik makcik. yeap youre thinking the right thing. i had an argument with an old fellow about queuing.

it happened when i was in a mall doing grocery shopping. got myself some cheap looking good vegetables, bagged them and went to weighing counter and the staff was not there. several people were waiting at the counter and so i waited together with them while looking at other vegetables. then the abang timbang came rushing to the counter as he realised that lots of people were waiting. seeing him i joined the queue and yes that was when this old pakcik came rushing from behind and put his stuffs on the counter in front of me.

me: pakcik. beratur.
pakcik: pakcik beratur la ni. da lama da tunggu dari tadi.

this pakcik got me like

me: pakcik tunggu tu tunggu tapi beratur la
pakcik: pakcik da beratur la ni lama tunggu dari tadi awak tu baru datang

so the argument going back and forth with me asking him to queue and him insisting that hes queuing by cutting me and then he said something like me berlagak macam supermarket ni bapak aku punya. few grumbling and then keluar awak pun sama melayu. so i said apa kene mengena dengan bangsa. then he said he is the older one and im young so i should shut up. i just said i dont care. thats why i ask him to queue.

well the arguments die as he get his items weighed and left while i sambung to abang timbang saying that orang tua biasa la x boleh kena tegur.

yeap from that incident i learnt that im still not good in debating and arguing with people. i get heated easily over simple stuff like this. i would have been able to burn other people easily if i can keep my cool. guess practice makes perfect. oh yeah i also learnt that being patient is so not enjoying while it is more fun to be rude and make fun and burn the oldman. so, be patient or just listen to the devil?

no point mentioning about the old generation stubbornness (which im already mentioning here) as the mentality aku makan garam lagi banyak apa ko taw is deeply ingrained in us which makes it very hard to change the culture.